Michael

Its been a long time since I have blogged and probably no one even reads it and thats ok. I just feel the urge to write about Michael and maybe this will be the best place for me to put my words down.

Michael,
I miss you so much. I never once ever thought that I would have to feel the pain of losing one of my brothers, Mom and Dad yes, but not you or Matt. This last year has been the longest yet the shortest year of my life. Halloween is here and I think about you every day, this is your favorite time of year. There are still so many times I think I cant wait to tell Michael this or show Michael that and then it hits me your not here. I know that I can still talk to you but somehow its not just the same. In my mind I keep going over and over that morning when you left us. You looked so peaceful and even seemed to me that you had a grin on your face. Oh how I miss that grin. I keep remembering how it felt calling 911 knowing that it was too late but still praying and hoping that I wasnt too late. The phone call to Mom and Dad, and then the one to Matt. I never ever want to make a call like that again. The long ride over to tell Brooklyn and the image of her sobbing keeps playing over and over in my mind. Our family is so lost without you. Its so hard because we were like the 3 muskateers where one was the other two werent far behind. Matt and I need you so much to add to the laughter which there really isnt very much of these days. Brooklyn is growing up and needs her daddy so much right now its not fair that you had to leave us so soon. We all go through the daily motions of our life but thats all it is. I worry about Mom, she misses you so much and I cant do anything to make it all better for her. Robert, Bronson, Carter and Shayla miss their Uncle Michael so much. I love you Michael and I am so glad that is the last thing I said to you! Keep watching over us and especially Brooklyn.

Love you!

Growing Up

I knew it was going to happen one of these days but in my fairytale world my boys never grew up and they never ever left home. Robert is dead set on making the move and making it long before Im ready for him to make it. I know that he is almost 20 but serioulsy doesnt he want to live home where he gets his laundry done, food bought and all the love that only a mama can give. I only hope and pray that I have done a good enough job that he will hate living away from home and come back :)

Summer Time

Well can you believe it I'm blogging before 6 months. Just wanted to post some pics of some of the fun we have been having this summer. Bronson has been playing baseball for PG city and after a slow start because of all the rain we are now at the end of the season. Its sad only watching 1 of my boys play it just means they are getting older and will soon learn to fly on their own and leave the nest. :( Also we all got together at Mom and Dads to have our annual 4Th of July BBQ and firework show which once again the rain ended that before we were ready for it, and last but definitely not least my good friend Natalie had a pool put in her backyard last year and this last Saturday is the first time I have gotten in. I went with my sister-in-law Jeni, and Brooklyn, Shayla, and Carter and we had a blast I am already planning my next swim visit. Thanks Natalie, Love you! So get ready for an over load of pictures and Hope you are all having a Happy Summer!

FATHERS DAY-TRIBUTE TO MY DADDY!

It seems like I always blog on Mothers day but never on Fathers day, so I decided that it was time to change that. I just want to give you a little background on my DAD. I personally think he is the best dad a girl could have. My mom was married and had me before she met my dad. Oddly enough her first husbands name is Fackrell and then she met my dad who is also a Fackrell, and no they are not brothers but cousins. From what I know their great great great( not sure how many greats) grandpas are brothers. But what make my dad so special is he adopted me and made me his own, and not once in all these years has he ever made me feel any different. He's my daddy always has been and always will be. He is the one who has worked so hard to take care of me and my mom and brothers. I love my dad and yes he may be difficult sometimes to get along with but I haven't always made it easy either and yes he can be on ornery old fart sometime but when you need him my daddy is right there for me my boys or any one else in my family. I just want to tell him how very much I love him and how much I appreciate all he does for me and my kids, couldn't have gotten to where we are without help from both parents. I love you dad and Happy Fathers Day!

Christmas

I just wanted to take a minute and update since my last post was such a downer. I know that I put that I hate Christmas, not the meaning but the feeling that I get this time of the year, and I know that I am not the only single parent and its hard all year long but it always seems that especially this time of the year is hard at least for me, and this year has been no exception. I had surgery on Dec 15Th finals the following week and Christmas on top of it all. I don't even know what I want to say on here other than I am so grateful for my family, friends and secret Santa's that have. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, I know that because of the love and kindness that others have shown to us we will. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

BAH HUMBUG

I guess its time to blog again! I don't know why I cant seem to get into it maybe its because I think I have a very boring life, but according to my co-worker David, I should write a book just based on the stories I tell him about my family he is convinced I would have a best seller. Anyhow right now I cant even think of any funny stories to tell. I have been sorta down and kinda depressed for the last little while and things in my life keep happening to make me down and depressed. First off I am not at all excited about the holiday season. In fact I hate this time of the year. I love the meaning of Christmas but all the other stuff I hate. It doesn't help when it seems like everything at once keeps happening. Thanksgiving morning my washer broke (my brother Michael fixed it for me) My Uncle Dennis passed away Thanksgiving night and no one can fix that one. It was a shock and he will be greatly missed by all. When I was little he used to scare me but the older I got the more I learned it was Aunt Carol I should be afraid of. My boys loved Uncle Dennis too, I guess Bronson couldn't say his name so he would call him Uncle Beevis. His viewing was on my birthday which was alright, it was just the fact that I am another year older that was depressing. And now to put the cherry on the top my car broke down its going to take who knows how much to fix it. So Merry Christmas to me that will be my family's Christmas thank goodness my boys are old enough to understand. Well sorry to be such a downer on my post but ya know sometimes ya just gotta let it all out. I do sincerely hope anyone who reads this will indeed have a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday Season!

Mothers Day

I just got back from picking out a Mothers day card, yes I am right there at the last minute along with all the men, any how I really need to start getting a jump on these holidays. I seem to have a problem when I'm reading the cards.....I start to cry not just tear up a little bit but actual tears are rolling down my cheeks, its really embarrassing to be standing there in the card section crying, but what can I say I'm an emotional sensitive person. I just wanted to take this time to thank my mom for being my mom, Don't know how I would make it with out her. She is my best friend, I call her morning and night and not just once, just ask my dad how many times I call her :). I wont post a picture of her because I want to remain the favorite child, but my mom and me have been through alot together it was just me and her for 6 years and she sacrificed alot for me and I know she still does, not just for me but for all her kids. Any how Mom if you read this just know how much I do love you and appreciate all you do! Your the bestest Mom ever.

THE GOOD THE BAD AND WE'RE NOT UGLY

Every year we (we being my sis-in-law Jeni, and myself) always have this great idea to give Mom and Dad a family picture for Christmas, but we always think about it like the day before :( but this year we managed to get together in November, but those didn't turn out when we enlarged them so like the week before Christmas we had to go out again and take more, Matthew might not have enjoyed it but the rest of us had fun, (Matt was the one taking the pictures and trying to get us all posed and smiling at the same time) Thought I'd post a few of the Good The Bad and the Not Ugly

Love my boys!

Not quite sure what my brothers are doing

but then they are dorks so you have to

excuse them :)

What Was I Thinking?

Well first week of school and I'm already wondering am I cut out for this? My Miss Confident "you can do anything" voice says of course I can, but then out pops my Mr. Negativity voice and he says "no you cant your too old you don't know what your doing. "This weekend has been tough not to listen to Mr. Negativity, when I am so overwhelmed with not knowing if I can memorize all these medical terms and when my computer is so crappy that I cant even do my computer homework on it,but then Miss Confident whispers in my ear "that its only your 1st week you have only had 1 class of your medical terminology class you can be expected to know it all in one week, and remember you have the advantage of free tutoring, and you can always do use the computers at the school to do you computer homework." )Notice how I made the negative voice be male haha) Anyhow it has been a great week for the most part, had bunko on Friday which is always great, got rid of my bird on Saturday and spent the rest of the day doing homework, which I should get back to doing instead of updating my blog.

Change is a comin

Well I finally changed my background to a more springy feeling one....hope it helps hurry spring up. More changes in my life and family Robert is working and really enjoying getting paychecks, which I knew he would once he started getting one. He seems to really like it at least so far. Bronson got his learners and is bugging me to drive everywhere, which is scary, I usually let him on Sundays when the traffic is lighter. As for me I signed up to go back to school last night. I am going to take Medical Billing and Coding classes,and while I love working at the credit union I need more. I'm scared and very very nervous but also excited to begin this new journey in my life. It just feels right this time! Well try to update more later when I have more exciting news

Public Speaking

Ok I'm sure no one really reads these blogs anymore seems everyone is into Facebook, so I figure it might be a good spot to write down some things on my mind. The title of this blog is public speaking, don't know about anyone else but the thought of speaking in front of people terrify me, but what do you do when the Stake President calls you into his office and asks if you would speak at Stake Conference not for him but for HIM!!! How could I say no to the Lord, think besides my kids he is the only one I cant say no too. Anyhow my topic is on the blessings I received since I went to the Temple. When he asked me that I answered him truthfully and told him I wasn't quite sure, I figured once I went to the Temple my life would fall into place, you know no more worries perfect children you know all that! Well it has been far from that but I do feel a more peaceful feeling at times and I also know that whatever is thrown at me I can handle because of the gospel. So I have until a week from Saturday to get my thoughts together for my 7 minute talk, oh and President Hadfield seemed to think that telling me I would be speaking in the Adult session would somehow ease my mind. HAHA it would be easier to speak in the Primary session oh wait they don't have one. Oh well like I said I can conquer my fear of speaking in front of a large crowd or at least learn don't answer your phone if you don't recognize the number. :)

Thanksgiving

Since its the Thanksgiving season, I thought I would do a post on things I am Thankful for. First I am thankful for my boys, they are what keep me going day after day, give me my gray hair, and drive me crazy, but cant imagine or remember what my life was like before they came to me. Thanks Robert & Bronson, may not tell you all the time :) but glad you picked me! My Parents, my brothers and my sister in law, you guys have always been there for me, you have helped me more than I will ever be able to repay you. Love you all. My nieces and nephew Brooklyn, Carter and Shayla, I love being the favorite Aunt, thank you for telling me that all the time! My friends, my job, my health, too many things to list. I am also thankful for my Heavenly Father and the blessing and love that he has given and continues to give everyday. I hope each and everyone of you have a Happy Thanksgiving!

SHAYLA STRUTTIN IT PART 2

Since my sister in law didnt like the 1st video of Shayla workin it I had to do an updated one, now that Shayla no longer struts like her dad showed her! So you be the judge which one do you like?

SHAYLA STRUTTIN HER STUFF

SLACKER!!!!

I know I have been quite the slacker on my blog, not sure anyone even reads it anymore since it seems like everyone is doing the facebook thing. Any how decided to update this and catch up anyone who still looks on whats been going on in our world. First off cant believe school has already started and my baby is in high school. Bronson started 10Th grade at Timpanoges High and so far is doing really good seems to be enjoying it and is studying to get his learners permit (oh No I'm not ready for that) Robert is a senior and is going to East Shore so far in the last week he has completed more work than he did all last year. He has alot to do but is determined to graduate this year. Its so strange to see my little boys become men, where did the time go one minute they were small needing me every minute and then I turn around and they are 6ft have deep manly voices, and don't need or want me by their side. Its hard to let that apron string stretch and its even harder to watch it break. Oh well enough about that nothing I can do to change it. Lets seen over the 4Th of July the whole family Mom, Dad, Matt Jeni, Carter, Shayla, Michael, Brooklyn, Me and the Boys (good thing I don't have a big family) all went up to Jeni's parents cabin. If you remember last time we went a bear came into the camp, didn't have that kind of excitement this year, but it was still a blast and nice to get away from the daily grind. Also in July Matt and I took our endowments out and were sealed to our parents, it was the most wonderful thing that has happened to me since the birth of my kids. I have a whole different outlook on life now and how I live it, wish I could do things over with the boys but hopefully they will watch the example I'm setting for them now. I got a promotion at work which is nice but I had to move to another branch. The day my new manager Brad called to tell me the position was mine I cried as I told him yes, not really tears of joy but more of sadness. I have worked at the PG Branch for almost 2 years and to me its more like an extended family I love each and everyone of them and hated to leave them, its hard not seeing them everyday and seeing The 2 Cams kids Crew and Emma all the time, but I had to do what was going to be the best for me and my family. I am now the Head Teller at the American Fork branch and even though the commute is a little longer and I hit that construction I really really really love my new position. I love my new manager Brad and my co-workers, so that has made the move easier, but my heart is still at PG. Oh and Brad has got the cutest kids too, so see I can still give out candy to the little kids. (wait that makes me sound weird). Any how I think that's about all that has happened to me and my family since I last posted anything. See we don't lead a very exciting life!!! I do have lots of pictures to post and a video of my niece Shayla strutting her stuff ( her dad taught her how to)

Sunday

Today I got to see my Dad ordain my brother Matthew an Elder. To some that might not be that big of deal it might just be something that would just happen along the path of life but for anyone who doesn't know my family they wont know that less than a year ago my parents went through the Temple and now my baby bro is an Elder and getting ready to baptize his son Carter Saturday. Not only is this happening but Matthew is also getting ready to take out his own endowments (his wife Jeni had hers done 2 years ago) But being the Oldest Child, I couldn't let my brother beat me, so I'm just waiting for him to finish up his Temple Prep classes than we are going to do a Brother Sister Endowment Session. I never in a million years thought I would be going through the Temple on my own but I am so excited and so ready.

UPDATE PICTURES AND MORE

Michael, Dad & Matthew

(can you tell which one rode the short bus?)

The Handsome Fackrell Men

Shayla with paper taped to her face!My little bro Michael

I have no words to describe this picture!

Carter, Mom and Shayla

Mom and Shayla

Bronson

I dont think Grandma thought her little Boy Blue

would ever be taller than her!

Robert & Grandma

Carter Matthew Fackrell

"Mr Joe Cool"

I know it seems like forever since I have blogged but there is nothing exciting going on in my life, but that is soon to change. BASEBALL is here and you all know how I love my boys and going to their games. For the 1st time ever they are on the same team which is going to nice, (sorta it just means not as many games) Lets see what else is new not alot but I have lots of pictures to post, and just want to say Sorry Mom but I have to put your B-Day pix on too.

Bronsons Birthday (2 months later)

Granpa, Grandma, Carter & Bronson

Fox, Shayla, Me, Robert, Matt, Granpa
Nick, Bronson & Carter

Me and My Boy's

Bronson

I cant believe that my baby is 15, it seems like yesterday he was my little Charlie Brown! Bronson's birthday is Jan 17th it is also Benjamin Franklin's birthday, which is why my nephew Carter didn't want to come over for cake, he wanted to find Old Ben's grave and put flowers on for his birthday. Luckily his parents were able to talk him out of it. Any how it seems the older my son gets the less he wants to do things for his birthday, This year we went to dinner at his favorite place to eat Golden Corral, we took along Grandma and Grandpa and also his friend Nick, I forgot to take my camera but did have it later for cake. I just want to let you all know that Bronson is my sunshine, like my mom always says when you think of Bronson you just have to smile, that's the kind of kid he is. When he was a baby he was so happy he was always smiling and has continued to light up my life as well as family and friends around him. I am also going to admit that while you smile when you think of him......he can also drive you crazy, if you don't want somebody to know what you say about them then make sure Bronson is never around them, He doesn't stop to think before he speaks, what he thinks is funny and I'm positive in his little world it is, its turned out that it hasn't been so funny to hear what pops out of his mouth. But like Ive said before, I never claimed my boys were angels and never will be, but they are my life and I'm so glad that Bronson picked me to be his mom. Bronson I love you and am so proud to be your mom.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BRONS MAN

Update!

OK I have been a big big slacker when it has came to keeping my blog updated. Just FYI I do log on everyday and do my daily blog stalking and let me tell you the reason for not updating is because I am boring, I never have anything exciting in my life that happens! I go to work come home watch TV go to bed get up and do it all over again. I have 2 highlights that happen once a month one being Bunko and the other is having dinner at the Harris'. So at least once a month my boys get a good sit down meal, Thanks, Natalie :). You know when I was younger I imagined my life being so much more interesting, I was of course going to be married to the man of my dreams have wonderful loving children, be financially stable and go on vacations. I guess 1 out of 4 is okay (yes I have wonderful loving children well they are wonderful when they are sleeping). I am going to be 45 years old this year and don't feel like I have lived. I know that I am the one that needs to do some changing to make that happen. Guess I will just have to throw myself out there and see what happens, start taking baby steps to change and have more of a life than 2 times a month! If any one else has ever been in this kind of rut let me know what and how to get out come on give me some ideas. I'm open to anything, might not try it but who knows. See that's my 1st baby step opening my mind to change. Next post coming up will be Bronson's birthday pictures, (little late posting that one)

Pay It Forward

So, I got this from a friend. The first 3 people to leave a comment on this will receive a hand made gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise. There's a small catch...You knew there would be didn't you? Post this on your blog then come back and leave a comment, telling me you're in. Fun, huh? Remember, only the first 3 comments receive the gift. Let's see who looks at my blog!